Learning

Quitting smoking is exactly like those new quitting smoking commercials. Today I started to learn how to walk from the train station to school without smoking. I got to school, slightly disoriented, and tried to learn what people do when they're early for something and they don't smoke. I sat down on the ledge outside my school but I couldn't figure out why I was sitting outside where it was cold.

I noticed, as I sat there, that through my cold I could smell the smoke from the people around me. Now, I couldn't smell the coffee in my hand, couldn't smell the coffee in Dunkin Donuts, couldn't smell the toast I accidentally set on fire this morning, couldn't smell the Flatbush Ave train station, couldn't smell the homeopathic sinus-clearing garlic-cayenne-sea salt-honey-vinegar-ginger "tea" I drank this morning. I couldn't smell anything all day but my addicty, endorphin starved brain could pick out the smell of a cigarette.

I picked myself up off the ledge I was sitting on, walked over to the ash tray, realized I didn't have anything to contribute to it and walked into the building. I sat down and wrote the following list of reasons I don't want to smoke.

1. I don't want to die
2. I can't breathe
3. My asthma has been acting up for weeks
4. $9 per day = $300 per month = $3,600 per year
5. Yellow teeth
6. I'm getting crow's feet
7. I can't exercise
8. I taste like an ashtray
9. I'm past the age where my doctor will prescribe me birth control despite the fact that I'm a smoker
10. Smoker's hack is about as sexy as pink eye
11. Smoking makes me have something in common with people who live in trailers
12. I like to taste things
13. I'm sick as hell, a cigarette would make me feel exponentially worse and yet it still temps me

I'm home now. I didn't smoke. I'm trying to learn how to get ready for bed without a cigarette.