Goals for the weekend.

Tonight: 

1. Two laps around the outside of the park at 8 minute intervals.
2. Make scones for the party tomorrow.

Saturday:

1. 8:1x4 intervals
2. Stick with healthy eating and moderation at the party.

Sunday:

1. Long run 3.5 - 4 miles.  Far enough to feel it but not so far it hurts.
2. Stick with healthy eating and moderation at Sweet Melissa.
3. Pick up some winter running gear and shades.

In black and white it seems so easy!

Have a good weekend!

Neither here nor there

I don't really have anything new to say but I don't like getting out of the habit of updating.

I can't wait to run tonight and I'm starting to plan to work some long runs into my schedule.  I ordered two books on running, one on competitive running and the other on running for women.  I'm kind of happy to be at a point where I can start to focus some of my effort.  I started running to music, too, but I'm not sure if I like it or not.  I like listening to music but I don't like that I can't hear my steps or my breath.  It feels off kilter.

I'm going to be baking pumpkin scones for my nephew's birthday party this weekend.  I'm looking forward to both the baking and the party.  Pumpkin scones have been a smash hit in the past and I get all proud and flattered every time I make them.  I think maybe I'll keep this recipe under wraps from now on :)

That's it, I guess.

Goal with a deadline!

I just signed up for my first race, the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot in Prospect Park!

It's a Five Miler, so I have about 38 days to add about two miles to my running!  Thank goodness walkers are welcome, so if I can't run the whole thing, at least I'll still be able to take part!

I'm going to aim for finishing in an hour. 

This week's training: (minutes run:minutes walked x reps)
M- 6:1x5
T- 6:1x5
W- walk only  :(
T- 6:1x6
F- 8:1x4
S- 8:1x4
S- 10:1x3

But that's subject to change.  I'm already thinking I might just try to lap the park twice tonight and see how many reps that gives me...

Fear, Pride and Inertia

I don't want to come off preachy or like I think I'm wise or something but I want to spend today talking about fear and pride and the resulting inertia.

I am a person that dreams big.  I need to have goals and I need to feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels.  There is a big part of me that tries not to see the roadblocks, only the road but there's also a big part of me that is afraid to actually try to make things happen.  These two things are always in conflict.  So, I do nothing and go nowhere.

I've spent a lot of time evaluating what I want out of life.  There is nothing I truly want that is out of my reach (of the things I have control over).  So why aren't I out there making these things happen?  Fear.

I spent months last year studying for the GMAT.  I'm still not in grad school.  When I think about why that is it all boils down to fear:

I spent months studying because I was afraid to just sit down and take the test.
When I did take it, I wasn't as prepared as I was months before when I was still too scared to do it.
I didn't want to take it and find out that I don't have what it takes.
I was scared to move to a new city for school but I'm scared not to, also.

So I do nothing.  I've done nothing.  I know I want to retake the test but I'm putting it off.  The fear says, "What if you take it and you still do poorly?"  If I stay here in this place with the possibility in front of me, then it's okay but if I commit to an action and it doesn't work out than I don't even have that possibility in front of me.  It's now "failure" not "possibility"

All of this keeps me back.  Holds me here in a place that I am not content with but I am safe in.

But then there is the dreamer asking, "Is this all there is?  Is this what you want?"  And I can't argue with that.  I want more.  I want to achieve the things I want.  I want to feel confident, knowledgeable.  I want a career not a job.  I want to be a professional, not a worker.

So I need to start stepping outside my safety zone.  I need to bite the bullet.  I need to start working towards my masters so I can get my CPA.  I love my company but I want to outgrow it.  I need to work past the fear that if I leave, I may not be as happy as I am now because I am no longer happy.  I no longer feel competent and proud.

I need to push past the pride and fear that is keeping me from grad school.  So what if I have to go back to CUNY.  If that's the only place that will take me.  If I find out that that is really as good as I am, well?  At least I'm going for it.  At least I will be working.  It's 30 credits.  I can do that. 

So, I am going to find out what I have to do to get the ball rolling on that. 

Quick update

Sorry I've been MIA, I've had a lot going on that I was afraid to talk about.  (I get nervous that I'll jinx myself)

So, the deal is off for the condo.  My lawyer looked over the docs and noticed that I wasn't given enough time to get a commitment letter from my preferred method of financing.  Then he found out that they planned to find me in default if I didn't have a letter in that time frame.  And they excused to extend that at all.

My realtor insists that they won't find me in default, after I sign the contract.  And that they'd give me the extension, if I used their lawyer.  That I would only have to pay about half of closing cost, if I used their lender.  But they can't give me a definitive answer on that until after I sign the contract.  Also, if you ask them about their misleading statements, they give you non answers.  Like "I need more than 45 days to get sonyma, didn't you say I could have more than 45 days?" you get, "We told you from the start that you are able to pursue sonyma,"  Um  Thanks?  That's not what I asked.  Also, if you call them on bullshit they act like it's all some misunderstanding.  They weren't trying to mislead or screw you, this is what they meant all along.

Anyway.  The deal is off.  Fuckers.

Running is going really well!  When I stared I could do 2 minutes , 2 times with a minute to walk and I couldn't make it around the track at the park.  Now I'm doing 4 minutes, 6 times with 1 minute of walking in between and I make it around the outside of the park and then some. 

I think I'm going to step it up to 6 minutes running 4 times with 2 minutes of walking in between but I may have to adjust that.

The only other thing going on is that I am going to pop over to driving school and start working on my license.  I've decided that I want a Smart Car in the next two years, so I really need to learn how to drive it!  Hopefully, I won't forget between now and then!

Frustrated.

So very frustrated.

So much going on!!!

I'm met with my lawyer yesterday to go over the offering plan, contract and drop off a check for the down payment.  We talked about some of the details and I was sent home with the contract and all to read over myself.  We're going to talk about it today and go over any of my other questions.

I also have to talk to my mortgage guy today to go over some stuff.

It seems like every time I get off the phone with one person, all I have are more questions for someone else!  I really need one day off from all this!  I wish I could just say, "Guys, if anything happens on Sunday, I don't want to hear about it until Monday!  Period!"

I had a wedding to go to this past weekend. It was fun as far as weddings go (I'm not good at small talk or dancing, so weddings for the most part, make me feel awkward) and most of the guys there were really tall. Unfortunately, they all seemed to be married or with a date. :( Sometimes, I swear to god I'm the only single person left on the planet.

I really wanted a picture showing off the dress but everyone kept taking pics from the waist up.  Maybe the rest of the dress looked trashy??

The running has really taken off in the past week or two. I feel like I'm making progress and I can see some changes in my legs. My arms are coming along, too! I just increased to 5lb dumbbells.

One weird side effect though is what running has done to my appetite. I need to eat like every two hours and I know part of it is for building muscle but part of it is building pudge, too. I'm going to keep at it though cause it feels good to feel healthy. I feel capable and able in a way I never really have before. Like I can run and I can weight train and I can run up the stairs and all these other things that used to leave me gasping for breath! I can do them now and if feels good!

I've been baking a lot lately. This weekend I made black and white cookies for my mom. She had to put her dog down this past week and she really needed a pick-me-up. (Well, to tell you the truth, we all needed a pick-me-up and it helps to have busy hands.)

I should have taken a pic before they were mostly eaten!

I try to keep this blog light and airy but I just want to say a few words about Casey the Beagle. She was the kind of dog that could make you tear your hair out one minute but look so cute you have to forgive her the next. She was bit aloof but she loved her people and would always thump down the stairs to greet you if you hadn't been around in a while. She unapologetically had her own agenda (usually revolving around food) but she was still a sweetheart underneath it all. She was loved and will be missed by all of her pack.



~~~~~{@ <3<3<3 Caser <3<3<3@}~~~~