I tried to run last night. It didn't work. I'm pissed. I just can't make my foot work right. If it was just pain, I'd push on, but I just can't land my steps right.
I just want to be better so I can get back out there. This sucks.
Bitch-Bitch. Whine-Whine.
Maybe this is a good time to look at some of my other goals...
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Dumb and dumber
I got back to my desk after getting an electrode treatment at my podiatrist's this afternoon on the verge of tears. He told me I should take another week off from running. I just can't cope with that. No. No. No. I'm getting fat again. I'm bored as hell. I'm getting depressed. I'm daydreaming about smoking. And I have a 4 Miler this weekend.
Yes, it was dumb to run on my foot when it was hurting. It will potentially be dumber to run on it tonight against my doctor's recommendation. I just can't help it. I have to try.
Baby steps.
The thought of missing my race is killing me. If I don't race, I'm supposed to go to my sister's husband's aunt's house for a party. As much as I appreciate being invited to go to my sister's husband's aunt's house for a party, it makes me feel like a loser being there. Like I couldn't find anyone more closely connected to me to spend new year's eve with than my sister's husband's aunt?
No. No. No. I will not tag along on someone else's plans. I will run. I must run. I may limp. I will finish.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Good news and bad news...
I heard somewhere that you should start with the bad news so you leave things off on a good note, so here goes.
I did something terrible to my right foot last week. On Monday it felt funny while I was running but I decided to power through it. Bad move. It started to hurt and I had to limp home. I took off last Tuesday hoping it would heal. Wednesday I had to stop running (more like thunking) after a mile and limp home. Since then I've been icing it but it hasn't improved.
I saw my podiatrist on Wednesday. He gave me an anti inflammatory, told me to do 10 minutes in ice water and 10 in hot water, to create a pump to get rid of the fluid. I'm not supposed to be on my feet any more than neccessary. I probably won't be able to run my race. I probably won't be able to take my class.
I can feel my fitness level dropping and my muscles turning to jelly.
If I don't improve by next Wednesday, I go back for a cortizone shot. Even if that works right away, I probably won't be up to my level in time to race or start class.
It sucks.
The good news is that I went in to sign the contracts for the condo. There's a few sticky points but hopefully everything will be moving forward shortly.
I did something terrible to my right foot last week. On Monday it felt funny while I was running but I decided to power through it. Bad move. It started to hurt and I had to limp home. I took off last Tuesday hoping it would heal. Wednesday I had to stop running (more like thunking) after a mile and limp home. Since then I've been icing it but it hasn't improved.
I saw my podiatrist on Wednesday. He gave me an anti inflammatory, told me to do 10 minutes in ice water and 10 in hot water, to create a pump to get rid of the fluid. I'm not supposed to be on my feet any more than neccessary. I probably won't be able to run my race. I probably won't be able to take my class.
I can feel my fitness level dropping and my muscles turning to jelly.
If I don't improve by next Wednesday, I go back for a cortizone shot. Even if that works right away, I probably won't be up to my level in time to race or start class.
It sucks.
The good news is that I went in to sign the contracts for the condo. There's a few sticky points but hopefully everything will be moving forward shortly.
Merry Christmas!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Central Park - 1, Me - 1
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| Brady doesn't like seeing me pack my bag to go running. This was after I chased him out of it twice already. |
It was hard. I wanted to run faster. I didn't want to accept all of the people zipping by me, but I swallowed my pride and paced myself. The only time I sped up was the last mile or so when I realised I was trailing a little old lady. No, I'm not exaggerating. There was a little old lady runner running in front of me. I felt too pathetic running behind her so I pulled on ahead. (Let me tell you, I felt just as pathetic feeling happy about passing her as I did when I was running behind her. She was the only person I passed all day...)
Running in the Park is a lot of fun but it's also incredibly humbling. The lower you go, the more crowded it is and the more runners you see. A lot of them are doing smaller loops so even the runners who are about at my level are running faster because they aren't running as far. Then when you get up north, you start to see a lot less people, and all the runners that you do see are much more hard core. They tend to be doing hill repeats and look really good doing it. I almost feel in the way when I'm up there and it makes me feel a certain kinship with the very few runners who you see walking up to the top of the hill. ("Kinship" as in "I feel your pain, but look at me I'm still running! Nannynannypoopoo") Then there are the really hard core runners that you see a few times along the path, the ones who are all sweat and muscle, who don't even take notice of you as they pass you by with the grace of a gazelle. After the second or third time you see them running towards you, you realize that they are running the same long path you are, they are just doing it multiple times and at many times your speed. (They are probably thinking "Nannynannypoopoo," at me, so it all evens out.) Then you come down out of the hills again and you're exhausted and sweaty and tired and you're surrounded by all the people who didn't go running in the hills. You try to feel smug about how you survived the hills without walking, then you realize that you've been trailing a 70 year old woman for the last quarter mile and everything comes into perspective.
So yeah. The park is fun but it makes you realize just how far you have to go...
This weekend coming up, my goal will be to do the same loop but to add another half mile in somewhere.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Jinxed!
Fuck! I think I just jinxed myself. I mentioned to someone that I had an accepted offer on a place and then went on to talk about all the details. Damn it! Now I know the deal is going to fall through.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My 30th Birthday
I'm starting to make plans.
I'm sure by now, if you know me, you've heard me say that I'm going to hit 30 in the best shape of my life. I decided to prove this to myself by running the San Francisco Half Marathon.
I didn't register, yet, because I want to make sure I'll be able to afford the trip but it takes place two days after I turn 30. I feel like you just couldn't get any more appropriate than that.
Training commences immediately.
I'm sure by now, if you know me, you've heard me say that I'm going to hit 30 in the best shape of my life. I decided to prove this to myself by running the San Francisco Half Marathon.
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| Yes, the San Francisco Half. |
Training commences immediately.
Monday, December 5, 2011
I was the Hare :(
I attempted a long run in Central Park this weekend. My goal was to take one full lap of the park, starting at the 90th Street entrance and heading north. I knew that the park was hilly but I seriously underestimated just how difficult those hills would be on my stamina. It was supposed to be just over 6 miles but I wound up ditching out at just under 5.5.
To be honest, it wasn't just the hills that did me in. I spent the first two miles or so getting passed by every other runner I saw. Usually I don't mind so much because I'm passing people, too, but that just wasn't the case. Once I started to get lower down in the park, I was passed my three separate guys who were running just a tad faster than me. Instead of trying to keep pace with them, letting them go by and remaining focused on my goal of finishing 6 miles or anything else reasonable, I decided to blow them away on the down hills. And I did. Three times. Unfortunately, I burnt myself out like that and had to slow down to a walk for a few yards and watch them disappear down the road.
It was fun despite the fact that my ego took a beating, so I shook it off and got back to pace. Then I got slower... and slower... and slower. I was back on the East side of the park by this point and it was very crowded. I tried to walk for a minute and then get back to it but my legs refused to run. It was infuriating. I tried to push myself but my stomach made it clear that if I kept running, I would throw up. I know that's a part of running hard but my ego refused to admit that running less than six miles at an average of 9 min/mile, would be enough to make me toss my cookies.
I gave in. I walked the last half mile back to NYRR to change and get my bag. They were having a number pick up for a race so I felt extra rotten about ditching out because I was suddenly surrounded by serious runners. I did, however, decide right then and there that I would 1) spend every weekend trying to conquer the hills at Central Park and finish my one full loop 2) learn to tune out any other runners and embrace my inner tortoise 3) someday become a serious runner.
Wish me luck.
To be honest, it wasn't just the hills that did me in. I spent the first two miles or so getting passed by every other runner I saw. Usually I don't mind so much because I'm passing people, too, but that just wasn't the case. Once I started to get lower down in the park, I was passed my three separate guys who were running just a tad faster than me. Instead of trying to keep pace with them, letting them go by and remaining focused on my goal of finishing 6 miles or anything else reasonable, I decided to blow them away on the down hills. And I did. Three times. Unfortunately, I burnt myself out like that and had to slow down to a walk for a few yards and watch them disappear down the road.
It was fun despite the fact that my ego took a beating, so I shook it off and got back to pace. Then I got slower... and slower... and slower. I was back on the East side of the park by this point and it was very crowded. I tried to walk for a minute and then get back to it but my legs refused to run. It was infuriating. I tried to push myself but my stomach made it clear that if I kept running, I would throw up. I know that's a part of running hard but my ego refused to admit that running less than six miles at an average of 9 min/mile, would be enough to make me toss my cookies.
I gave in. I walked the last half mile back to NYRR to change and get my bag. They were having a number pick up for a race so I felt extra rotten about ditching out because I was suddenly surrounded by serious runners. I did, however, decide right then and there that I would 1) spend every weekend trying to conquer the hills at Central Park and finish my one full loop 2) learn to tune out any other runners and embrace my inner tortoise 3) someday become a serious runner.
Wish me luck.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Racing in the Winter
I'm getting ready for the NYE run in Central Park and I'm a little worried about what to wear. On the one hand, I don't want to check my stuff because I don't want to have to wait on line to get it back. I'm pretty sure everyone will be hanging out for the party afterwards but I'll be the stag so I'm planning to dash home right away.
On the other hand, I'm afraid I might freeze my ass off getting there and then waiting for the race to begin. So the solution, so far as I see it, is to layer strategically. I figure it'll be cold enough that I'd want my base shirt and a middle layer on during the run but I won't want my outer layer on once I get moving. That's fine, as it's light weight and I can tie it around my waist without too much fuss.
But even still, winter running gear isn't that warm when you're not running, so I bought a head buff so as I heat up, I can reconfigure it. It's a dorky piece of gear but after the Turkey Trot, I can definitely see it's appeal.
If it's really cold, I'll get arm warmers that I can take off or roll down before the race to wear over my base layer. Pretty much the same idea as the buff, I can adjust.
But what if it's really really cold? What if I need to keep my core warm while I wait but not while I run? I mean, getting from Brooklyn to Central Park at night on the weekend can be a trek when it's not a holiday. That's a long time left to shiver. That's when it occurred to me: Why not wear something I won't mind throwing away before the race? And I happen to have just the thing. Finally, I have a reason for not burning this shirt!
On the other hand, I'm afraid I might freeze my ass off getting there and then waiting for the race to begin. So the solution, so far as I see it, is to layer strategically. I figure it'll be cold enough that I'd want my base shirt and a middle layer on during the run but I won't want my outer layer on once I get moving. That's fine, as it's light weight and I can tie it around my waist without too much fuss.
But even still, winter running gear isn't that warm when you're not running, so I bought a head buff so as I heat up, I can reconfigure it. It's a dorky piece of gear but after the Turkey Trot, I can definitely see it's appeal.
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| This is a head buff. I'm SO getting an Irish flag one for when I run the Shamrock in March. |
If it's really cold, I'll get arm warmers that I can take off or roll down before the race to wear over my base layer. Pretty much the same idea as the buff, I can adjust.
But what if it's really really cold? What if I need to keep my core warm while I wait but not while I run? I mean, getting from Brooklyn to Central Park at night on the weekend can be a trek when it's not a holiday. That's a long time left to shiver. That's when it occurred to me: Why not wear something I won't mind throwing away before the race? And I happen to have just the thing. Finally, I have a reason for not burning this shirt!
Monday, November 28, 2011
I knew I wasn't that fast!!!
Okay, I knew something was wrong with my times. The race results were faulty. My "real" stats are 40:26 chip, 44:08 gun, averaging 8.06 minute miles. That still seems a little fast to me but I'll take it :)
I'm a little disappointed and embarrassed now that I didn't run so fast, I wish I knew exactly what my times were, but I didn't bother using my Nike+ ap cause I thought the race was keeping track.
I wrote to the organizers on Friday night to tell them that there was no way I could have run as fast as they said. It was a little deflating. I decided to use it to motivate me, though. Someday, maybe next year or the year after, I will make it onto the Leader Board. I may not be first, it may not be with 5:41 minute miles but I will get there.
Also, to make sure this never happens again, I've invested in a GPS pedometer. I used it for the first time last night. It's pretty cool.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Finally Downloaded Some Pictures
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving yesterday! As the title says, here are some pics:
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| At the New Museum with my mom. We didn't blend in with the hipsters, we didn't mix with the artistes, but dressed all in black and white, we did match the museum motif perfectly. |
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| Taking a stroll in Central Park. |
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| Hmm, can you see the resemblance? |
^These three are from a day off I spent with my mom back at the beginning of the month.
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| The Tartan Ball. |
^This is from last weekend before the night went down in a flood of scotch. The older gentleman recognised my tartan and called me over. According to his family legend, he is descended from the brother of one of my ancestors, so I guess that we have a great great great ... grandfather in common. He was pretty cool.
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| Feeling very confident before leaving the house. |
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| Nervously waiting for the race to begin. Sorry, it was cold out. |
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| At mile 2. I swear I was still running, here. |
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| Right before the finish line. Yay! I look fast here! |
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| My wonderful supporters! I can't tell you how happy I was to see them! I was tickled pink by the sign! |
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| No, I didn't win. Everyone got a medal. |
This last set is from yesterday morning's Five Mile Turkey Trot. I was so nervous. My mom came with me to the race and S and Wiley the Pit Bull met us there. I thought that once we were there, I'd find a place to get them coffee to keep them toasty while they waited. Unfortunately I was so nervous, once I got there, I refused to take my eyes off the starting line. Woops! Sorry, guys!
The race turned out to be a lot of fun! Once I found my groove, I wasn't nervous, I just wanted to keep running. S and my mom waited for me at mile 2 and at the finish and I can't tell you how great it was to have their support! Going into it, I thought it would be cool to get cheered on but I had no idea how motivational it would be. I looked for them as I ran and I wanted to keep running so I could see them at the finish. I can't explain it, they just made me a really happy racer.
In other news, I told my family how I saw kids on scooters and a lot of walkers yesterday so we're all planning on entering the Turkey Trot next year! I'm really excited about that. Maybe it can even become a family tradition, at least for some of us. My parents will be in the midst of training for the Camino, so they will walk it. My little nephews will be able to scoot it or walk it. Hopefully some of my sisters will want to walk, cheer or run. It could be so fun!
Edit: Umm... so I just checked the race results and apparently I have the lowest chip time amongst women... So like, if I was at the front of the pack and not the back, I may have, like... won. I don't think that could be right but I had S check the results page, too. I can't believe it. I think I need to run a race against people who are racing to win, and not a fun run and see how I compare. I am... er... shocked... I also just want to stress how much motivation I got knowing my mom and my sister were there to cheer me on. I'm so used to doing things on my own that I don't always realize what a wonderful thing it is to have people there to support me. It really makes all the difference in the world. Thanks guys!!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
It's been a while
I haven't updated in a bit cause all I've been doing is running and I didn't see the point in posting my stats all the time. Let's see, what have I been up to...?
I'm running at 20-30 minute stretches and ran five miles over the weekend with only two one minute walk breaks. I think I'm in good shape for the 5M Turkey Trot next week, although the hills will probably suck. I've also gone ahead and registered for the New Years Eve run. I think it will be good cause 1) They say that how you spend NYE is how you'll spend the year 2) I'll be busy running when the ball drops so I won't be awkwardly waiting for people to stop kissing so I can say Happy New Year to someone 3) I won't have a hang over the next day 4) Half the people I know will be away anyway.
I found a condo I'm interested in and I'm trying to not get my hopes up about it.
I've been knitting up a storm! It's my hobby du jour and would qualify as goal #17. Let's see if I stick with it. I'm currently making a pocket scarf for my mom for Christmas cause she loves mine. I have a few things I'd like to make lined up after that. Maybe a sweater or wrist warmers and something for Brado.
I also accepted an invitation to the Tartan Ball for this tomorrow. Usually I wouldn't go to a party with someone I barely knew unless it was a date but I want to be more social and it's not every day you get asked to a ball. I bought three dresses but I'm returning two of them. I really couldn't decide which one I liked better until I saw my credit card bill! That did it! LOL It sucks that the one I'm wearing isn't the most fabulous one but I do feel luxe in it, so it's okay. I also bought a fox fur stole and a hotel room for the night, neither of which are refundable, so oh well! I'll have to lump it! LOL
I'll try to remember to take a picture of myself to post.
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| This picture is entirely unrelated to my post but people like pitcures in blogs, so there you go. |
I'm running at 20-30 minute stretches and ran five miles over the weekend with only two one minute walk breaks. I think I'm in good shape for the 5M Turkey Trot next week, although the hills will probably suck. I've also gone ahead and registered for the New Years Eve run. I think it will be good cause 1) They say that how you spend NYE is how you'll spend the year 2) I'll be busy running when the ball drops so I won't be awkwardly waiting for people to stop kissing so I can say Happy New Year to someone 3) I won't have a hang over the next day 4) Half the people I know will be away anyway.
I found a condo I'm interested in and I'm trying to not get my hopes up about it.
I've been knitting up a storm! It's my hobby du jour and would qualify as goal #17. Let's see if I stick with it. I'm currently making a pocket scarf for my mom for Christmas cause she loves mine. I have a few things I'd like to make lined up after that. Maybe a sweater or wrist warmers and something for Brado.
I also accepted an invitation to the Tartan Ball for this tomorrow. Usually I wouldn't go to a party with someone I barely knew unless it was a date but I want to be more social and it's not every day you get asked to a ball. I bought three dresses but I'm returning two of them. I really couldn't decide which one I liked better until I saw my credit card bill! That did it! LOL It sucks that the one I'm wearing isn't the most fabulous one but I do feel luxe in it, so it's okay. I also bought a fox fur stole and a hotel room for the night, neither of which are refundable, so oh well! I'll have to lump it! LOL
I'll try to remember to take a picture of myself to post.
Friday, October 28, 2011
All Geared Up!
Just in time I went and got some winter running gear on Wednesday. I got a long sleeve shirt, a jacket, an ear band and an awesome Nike sports bra that makes me feel all speedy and athletic. I'm told that this will do for all but the coldest days. I'll still need another layer for when it's bitter out, but this is good for now. Somehow I managed to forget sunglasses, gloves and a backpack!
I got to try out all my new gear last night when I went running in the rain. I thought it would be a miserable run but I was really tweaking for it, so I went out anyway. It turned out to be incredible! I ran 3 sets of 9 minutes a piece. The last one, I decided to see how fast I could comfortably go, while maintaining and not sprinting. IT FELT GREAT!!! I felt SO fast. It was exhilarating! I got home feeling like I could have kept going, not exhausted. I seriously can't wait to get back out there.
It's going to be a busy weekend. I'm meeting a friend and his partner for brunch tomorrow, meeting my sister for birthday drinks tomorrow night and then having my nephews and sisters for a spooky brunch on Sunday. I'm going to try to bake tomorrow afternoon.
I'll try to take pics of brunch. I'm making witches finger cookies, jack o'lantern pumpkin pancakes, apple bites, mummy English muffin pizza and possibly witches brew parfait. I'm really looking forward to it! I like getting all creative with food.
The game plan for this weekend:
Friday: 3 reps 10:1
Saturday: early a.m. run not sure how long
Sunday: long evening run at least 5 miles, not sure how many reps that'll take. Might have to walk more.
I got to try out all my new gear last night when I went running in the rain. I thought it would be a miserable run but I was really tweaking for it, so I went out anyway. It turned out to be incredible! I ran 3 sets of 9 minutes a piece. The last one, I decided to see how fast I could comfortably go, while maintaining and not sprinting. IT FELT GREAT!!! I felt SO fast. It was exhilarating! I got home feeling like I could have kept going, not exhausted. I seriously can't wait to get back out there.
It's going to be a busy weekend. I'm meeting a friend and his partner for brunch tomorrow, meeting my sister for birthday drinks tomorrow night and then having my nephews and sisters for a spooky brunch on Sunday. I'm going to try to bake tomorrow afternoon.
I'll try to take pics of brunch. I'm making witches finger cookies, jack o'lantern pumpkin pancakes, apple bites, mummy English muffin pizza and possibly witches brew parfait. I'm really looking forward to it! I like getting all creative with food.
The game plan for this weekend:
Friday: 3 reps 10:1
Saturday: early a.m. run not sure how long
Sunday: long evening run at least 5 miles, not sure how many reps that'll take. Might have to walk more.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Restlessness
I'm not really hearing back from anyone regarding my condo search. I'm going to try Prudential early next week if I don't hear back from anyone. I'm a little disappointed about the whole affair, tbh.
I've given myself a deadline to move out, February 2012. It'll have been one full year of staying with my folks by then. As much as I appreciate their letting me stay there, I'm getting to the end of my rope. It's really hard to live somewhere that's not really your home. Plus, I have no privacy whatsoever so when I get overwhelmed I have nowhere to go to just be alone. If I'm in a bad mood, I still have to interact with people when they traipse through my room and expect me to be cheery. Everyone needs alone time now and then, it's hard not to have any.
My knee is starting to hurt a bit when I bend it. I need to run on more even, softer ground, or better yet, cross train. Cutting back on cardio is not an option. Without smoking, it's the one thing keeping me sane but I don't really have any other options. I'm trying to find a gym to join but it's hard cause: 1) I need it to be cheap, 2) if I sign up by my house, what happens when I move?
I dunno. Bitch bitch. Moan moan. I guess I'm just having a cranky day and I'd rather complain that problem solve. It's just hard to problem solve when you're feeling so stuck. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I've given myself a deadline to move out, February 2012. It'll have been one full year of staying with my folks by then. As much as I appreciate their letting me stay there, I'm getting to the end of my rope. It's really hard to live somewhere that's not really your home. Plus, I have no privacy whatsoever so when I get overwhelmed I have nowhere to go to just be alone. If I'm in a bad mood, I still have to interact with people when they traipse through my room and expect me to be cheery. Everyone needs alone time now and then, it's hard not to have any.
My knee is starting to hurt a bit when I bend it. I need to run on more even, softer ground, or better yet, cross train. Cutting back on cardio is not an option. Without smoking, it's the one thing keeping me sane but I don't really have any other options. I'm trying to find a gym to join but it's hard cause: 1) I need it to be cheap, 2) if I sign up by my house, what happens when I move?
I dunno. Bitch bitch. Moan moan. I guess I'm just having a cranky day and I'd rather complain that problem solve. It's just hard to problem solve when you're feeling so stuck. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Goals for the weekend.
Tonight:
Have a good weekend!
- Two laps around the outside of the park at 8 minute intervals.
- Make scones for the party tomorrow.
- 8:1x4 intervals
- Stick with healthy eating and moderation at the party.
- Long run 3.5 - 4 miles. Far enough to feel it but not so far it hurts.
- Stick with healthy eating and moderation at Sweet Melissa.
- Pick up some winter running gear and shades.
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Neither here nor there
I don't really have anything new to say but I don't like getting out of the habit of updating.
I can't wait to run tonight and I'm starting to plan to work some long runs into my schedule. I ordered two books on running, one on competitive running and the other on running for women. I'm kind of happy to be at a point where I can start to focus some of my effort. I started running to music, too, but I'm not sure if I like it or not. I like listening to music but I don't like that I can't hear my steps or my breath. It feels off kilter.
I'm going to be baking pumpkin scones for my nephew's birthday party this weekend. I'm looking forward to both the baking and the party. Pumpkin scones have been a smash hit in the past and I get all proud and flattered every time I make them. I think maybe I'll keep this recipe under wraps from now on :)
That's it, I guess.
I can't wait to run tonight and I'm starting to plan to work some long runs into my schedule. I ordered two books on running, one on competitive running and the other on running for women. I'm kind of happy to be at a point where I can start to focus some of my effort. I started running to music, too, but I'm not sure if I like it or not. I like listening to music but I don't like that I can't hear my steps or my breath. It feels off kilter.
I'm going to be baking pumpkin scones for my nephew's birthday party this weekend. I'm looking forward to both the baking and the party. Pumpkin scones have been a smash hit in the past and I get all proud and flattered every time I make them. I think maybe I'll keep this recipe under wraps from now on :)
That's it, I guess.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Goal with a deadline!
I just signed up for my first race, the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot in Prospect Park!
It's a Five Miler, so I have about 38 days to add about two miles to my running! Thank goodness walkers are welcome, so if I can't run the whole thing, at least I'll still be able to take part!
I'm going to aim for finishing in an hour.
This week's training: (minutes run:minutes walked x reps)
M- 6:1x5
T- 6:1x5
W- walk only :(
T- 6:1x6
F- 8:1x4
S- 8:1x4
S- 10:1x3
But that's subject to change. I'm already thinking I might just try to lap the park twice tonight and see how many reps that gives me...
It's a Five Miler, so I have about 38 days to add about two miles to my running! Thank goodness walkers are welcome, so if I can't run the whole thing, at least I'll still be able to take part!
I'm going to aim for finishing in an hour.
This week's training: (minutes run:minutes walked x reps)
M- 6:1x5
T- 6:1x5
W- walk only :(
T- 6:1x6
F- 8:1x4
S- 8:1x4
S- 10:1x3
But that's subject to change. I'm already thinking I might just try to lap the park twice tonight and see how many reps that gives me...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Fear, Pride and Inertia
I don't want to come off preachy or like I think I'm wise or something but I want to spend today talking about fear and pride and the resulting inertia.
I am a person that dreams big. I need to have goals and I need to feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels. There is a big part of me that tries not to see the roadblocks, only the road but there's also a big part of me that is afraid to actually try to make things happen. These two things are always in conflict. So, I do nothing and go nowhere.
I've spent a lot of time evaluating what I want out of life. There is nothing I truly want that is out of my reach (of the things I have control over). So why aren't I out there making these things happen? Fear.
I spent months last year studying for the GMAT. I'm still not in grad school. When I think about why that is it all boils down to fear:
I spent months studying because I was afraid to just sit down and take the test.
When I did take it, I wasn't as prepared as I was months before when I was still too scared to do it.
I didn't want to take it and find out that I don't have what it takes.
I was scared to move to a new city for school but I'm scared not to, also.
So I do nothing. I've done nothing. I know I want to retake the test but I'm putting it off. The fear says, "What if you take it and you still do poorly?" If I stay here in this place with the possibility in front of me, then it's okay but if I commit to an action and it doesn't work out than I don't even have that possibility in front of me. It's now "failure" not "possibility"
All of this keeps me back. Holds me here in a place that I am not content with but I am safe in.
But then there is the dreamer asking, "Is this all there is? Is this what you want?" And I can't argue with that. I want more. I want to achieve the things I want. I want to feel confident, knowledgeable. I want a career not a job. I want to be a professional, not a worker.
So I need to start stepping outside my safety zone. I need to bite the bullet. I need to start working towards my masters so I can get my CPA. I love my company but I want to outgrow it. I need to work past the fear that if I leave, I may not be as happy as I am now because I am no longer happy. I no longer feel competent and proud.
I need to push past the pride and fear that is keeping me from grad school. So what if I have to go back to CUNY. If that's the only place that will take me. If I find out that that is really as good as I am, well? At least I'm going for it. At least I will be working. It's 30 credits. I can do that.
So, I am going to find out what I have to do to get the ball rolling on that.
I am a person that dreams big. I need to have goals and I need to feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels. There is a big part of me that tries not to see the roadblocks, only the road but there's also a big part of me that is afraid to actually try to make things happen. These two things are always in conflict. So, I do nothing and go nowhere.
I've spent a lot of time evaluating what I want out of life. There is nothing I truly want that is out of my reach (of the things I have control over). So why aren't I out there making these things happen? Fear.
I spent months last year studying for the GMAT. I'm still not in grad school. When I think about why that is it all boils down to fear:
I spent months studying because I was afraid to just sit down and take the test.
When I did take it, I wasn't as prepared as I was months before when I was still too scared to do it.
I didn't want to take it and find out that I don't have what it takes.
I was scared to move to a new city for school but I'm scared not to, also.
So I do nothing. I've done nothing. I know I want to retake the test but I'm putting it off. The fear says, "What if you take it and you still do poorly?" If I stay here in this place with the possibility in front of me, then it's okay but if I commit to an action and it doesn't work out than I don't even have that possibility in front of me. It's now "failure" not "possibility"
All of this keeps me back. Holds me here in a place that I am not content with but I am safe in.
But then there is the dreamer asking, "Is this all there is? Is this what you want?" And I can't argue with that. I want more. I want to achieve the things I want. I want to feel confident, knowledgeable. I want a career not a job. I want to be a professional, not a worker.
So I need to start stepping outside my safety zone. I need to bite the bullet. I need to start working towards my masters so I can get my CPA. I love my company but I want to outgrow it. I need to work past the fear that if I leave, I may not be as happy as I am now because I am no longer happy. I no longer feel competent and proud.
I need to push past the pride and fear that is keeping me from grad school. So what if I have to go back to CUNY. If that's the only place that will take me. If I find out that that is really as good as I am, well? At least I'm going for it. At least I will be working. It's 30 credits. I can do that.
So, I am going to find out what I have to do to get the ball rolling on that.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Quick update
Sorry I've been MIA, I've had a lot going on that I was afraid to talk about. (I get nervous that I'll jinx myself)
So, the deal is off for the condo. My lawyer looked over the docs and noticed that I wasn't given enough time to get a commitment letter from my preferred method of financing. Then he found out that they planned to find me in default if I didn't have a letter in that time frame. And they excused to extend that at all.
My realtor insists that they won't find me in default, after I sign the contract. And that they'd give me the extension, if I used their lawyer. That I would only have to pay about half of closing cost, if I used their lender. But they can't give me a definitive answer on that until after I sign the contract. Also, if you ask them about their misleading statements, they give you non answers. Like "I need more than 45 days to get sonyma, didn't you say I could have more than 45 days?" you get, "We told you from the start that you are able to pursue sonyma," Um Thanks? That's not what I asked. Also, if you call them on bullshit they act like it's all some misunderstanding. They weren't trying to mislead or screw you, this is what they meant all along.
Anyway. The deal is off. Fuckers.
Running is going really well! When I stared I could do 2 minutes , 2 times with a minute to walk and I couldn't make it around the track at the park. Now I'm doing 4 minutes, 6 times with 1 minute of walking in between and I make it around the outside of the park and then some.
I think I'm going to step it up to 6 minutes running 4 times with 2 minutes of walking in between but I may have to adjust that.
The only other thing going on is that I am going to pop over to driving school and start working on my license. I've decided that I want a Smart Car in the next two years, so I really need to learn how to drive it! Hopefully, I won't forget between now and then!
So, the deal is off for the condo. My lawyer looked over the docs and noticed that I wasn't given enough time to get a commitment letter from my preferred method of financing. Then he found out that they planned to find me in default if I didn't have a letter in that time frame. And they excused to extend that at all.
My realtor insists that they won't find me in default, after I sign the contract. And that they'd give me the extension, if I used their lawyer. That I would only have to pay about half of closing cost, if I used their lender. But they can't give me a definitive answer on that until after I sign the contract. Also, if you ask them about their misleading statements, they give you non answers. Like "I need more than 45 days to get sonyma, didn't you say I could have more than 45 days?" you get, "We told you from the start that you are able to pursue sonyma," Um Thanks? That's not what I asked. Also, if you call them on bullshit they act like it's all some misunderstanding. They weren't trying to mislead or screw you, this is what they meant all along.
Anyway. The deal is off. Fuckers.
Running is going really well! When I stared I could do 2 minutes , 2 times with a minute to walk and I couldn't make it around the track at the park. Now I'm doing 4 minutes, 6 times with 1 minute of walking in between and I make it around the outside of the park and then some.
I think I'm going to step it up to 6 minutes running 4 times with 2 minutes of walking in between but I may have to adjust that.
The only other thing going on is that I am going to pop over to driving school and start working on my license. I've decided that I want a Smart Car in the next two years, so I really need to learn how to drive it! Hopefully, I won't forget between now and then!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
So much going on!!!
I'm met with my lawyer yesterday to go over the offering plan, contract and drop off a check for the down payment. We talked about some of the details and I was sent home with the contract and all to read over myself. We're going to talk about it today and go over any of my other questions.
I also have to talk to my mortgage guy today to go over some stuff.
It seems like every time I get off the phone with one person, all I have are more questions for someone else! I really need one day off from all this! I wish I could just say, "Guys, if anything happens on Sunday, I don't want to hear about it until Monday! Period!"
I had a wedding to go to this past weekend. It was fun as far as weddings go (I'm not good at small talk or dancing, so weddings for the most part, make me feel awkward) and most of the guys there were really tall. Unfortunately, they all seemed to be married or with a date. :( Sometimes, I swear to god I'm the only single person left on the planet.
The running has really taken off in the past week or two. I feel like I'm making progress and I can see some changes in my legs. My arms are coming along, too! I just increased to 5lb dumbbells.
One weird side effect though is what running has done to my appetite. I need to eat like every two hours and I know part of it is for building muscle but part of it is building pudge, too. I'm going to keep at it though cause it feels good to feel healthy. I feel capable and able in a way I never really have before. Like I can run and I can weight train and I can run up the stairs and all these other things that used to leave me gasping for breath! I can do them now and if feels good!
I've been baking a lot lately. This weekend I made black and white cookies for my mom. She had to put her dog down this past week and she really needed a pick-me-up. (Well, to tell you the truth, we all needed a pick-me-up and it helps to have busy hands.)
I try to keep this blog light and airy but I just want to say a few words about Casey the Beagle. She was the kind of dog that could make you tear your hair out one minute but look so cute you have to forgive her the next. She was bit aloof but she loved her people and would always thump down the stairs to greet you if you hadn't been around in a while. She unapologetically had her own agenda (usually revolving around food) but she was still a sweetheart underneath it all. She was loved and will be missed by all of her pack.
I also have to talk to my mortgage guy today to go over some stuff.
It seems like every time I get off the phone with one person, all I have are more questions for someone else! I really need one day off from all this! I wish I could just say, "Guys, if anything happens on Sunday, I don't want to hear about it until Monday! Period!"
I had a wedding to go to this past weekend. It was fun as far as weddings go (I'm not good at small talk or dancing, so weddings for the most part, make me feel awkward) and most of the guys there were really tall. Unfortunately, they all seemed to be married or with a date. :( Sometimes, I swear to god I'm the only single person left on the planet.
 |
| I really wanted a picture showing off the dress but everyone kept taking pics from the waist up. Maybe the rest of the dress looked trashy?? |
One weird side effect though is what running has done to my appetite. I need to eat like every two hours and I know part of it is for building muscle but part of it is building pudge, too. I'm going to keep at it though cause it feels good to feel healthy. I feel capable and able in a way I never really have before. Like I can run and I can weight train and I can run up the stairs and all these other things that used to leave me gasping for breath! I can do them now and if feels good!
I've been baking a lot lately. This weekend I made black and white cookies for my mom. She had to put her dog down this past week and she really needed a pick-me-up. (Well, to tell you the truth, we all needed a pick-me-up and it helps to have busy hands.)
 |
| I should have taken a pic before they were mostly eaten! |
I try to keep this blog light and airy but I just want to say a few words about Casey the Beagle. She was the kind of dog that could make you tear your hair out one minute but look so cute you have to forgive her the next. She was bit aloof but she loved her people and would always thump down the stairs to greet you if you hadn't been around in a while. She unapologetically had her own agenda (usually revolving around food) but she was still a sweetheart underneath it all. She was loved and will be missed by all of her pack.
 |
| ~~~~~{@ <3<3<3 Caser <3<3<3@}~~~~ |
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